im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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