If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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