at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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