i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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