Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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