I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
