I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
