my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
