Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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