Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
