Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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