She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
