About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
