my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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