Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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