I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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