Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
