Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize