just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
