hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
