i don't like sucking hair
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
