you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
