Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
