Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
