Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
