I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
