So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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