I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
