my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
