i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
