Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
