Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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