I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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