K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
