Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
