Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize