When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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