I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pappa wants mamma naked
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
