He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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