Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
