sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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