At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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