Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
