ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
