I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
