At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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