I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
