Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
