the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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