Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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