The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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