I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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