Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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