god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize