Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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