i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
