I got chris browned last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
