you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
