my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
