I wish my penis had an off switch
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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