Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
