Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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