Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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