she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
