On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Small penises have feelings too.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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