I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
