I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
