i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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