Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
