WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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