Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
