all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize