When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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