yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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