did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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