Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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