i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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