What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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